bintighazali apologizing

Assalaamualaikum

When I make a mistake to people, I expect myself to do 3 things.

1. To apologize, and actually mean it. I don’t just say that because I have to. Because those three magic words ie I AM SORRY are just so darn priceless.
2. To feel regrets. A more definitive term would be, if I can have time to turn back to the point when I made that mistake, I would not have done the mistake. Or to actually feel guilt.
3. To promise myself that I would never repeat those same things in the near or far future.

This is a non-shocker, but if I expect myself to do these when I apologize for my mistakes, I expect others to do it too when they apologize to me.

From what I think, if people don’t do these 3 steps, it’s not apologizing. It’s basically just saying those “I am sorry” words to ease off the pain you cause to the person you hurt so that they won’t hurt you back in an attempt of a vengeance. Or because you’re afraid that the person will stop liking you and won’t befriend you anymore. Or because since the time you were able to understand words when you were a kid, you see people apologize when they make mistakes that you feel it has become a tradition to do it. “Others apologize when they make mistakes, then I should too” as some would think. 

Somehow deep inside, you don’t care.

if this is the case, they might as well just don’t apologize at all.

Come to think of it, why and how do we apologize when we make a mistake to HIM?

Do we mean it? Or we just do it because we think that we have to?

There is a thing called the “degrees of zikr”.

The lowest would be verbal and verbal only. You say it and it stops at your vocal cords. The meaning doesn’t sink to your heart. you know this happens when you don’t remember what you said. Your mind is elsewhere.

The higher low is you say it orally and you mean it too. But because you have to. You want to pass your exams, it’s zikr time. You want to get your scholarship, it’s zikr time. You want to be saved while getting chased by a dog, it’s zikr time. There is always a “you” in the effects of the equation. You do this, and you’ll get this. There has to be something in return.

Now the highest degree would be that you feel nothing but to honour and feel the grace of the one you are praising. The one like no other. Who created the heavens and the Earth. Who created anger, love and pain which obviously are there inside of us, but we can’t see them. Ops, just quoted Maher Zain over there.

None other than HIM.

There is no “you” in the equation. There is HIM. Complete separation. You detach yourself from the equation.

Well, at least in this equation. But we all know math is not that simple. There are a lot of other equations derived just to mess with your heads but the next one isn’t going to be.

You remember HIM and he’ll remember you.

Now that’s a completely new equation.

In the Hadis Qudsi, the Prophet (PBUH) mentioned that ALLAH said, 

“Myself, mankind and jinn are in a great serious state. I created them, then they worship other gods that they make for themselves. I bless them with my bounties, then they thank someone else for what I sent them; My Mercy descends to them while their evil deeds ascent to Me; I endear them with My gifts even though I have no need to any of them while they alienate themselves from Me with their sins, even though they are desperate for my help. Whoever returns to Me, I accept him no matter how far he is; and whoever turns away from Me, I approach him and call on him. Whoever leaves a sin for my sake, I reward him with many gifts and whoever seeks to please me, I’ll seek to please him. Whoever acknowledges My will and Power in whatever he does, I make the iron bend for his sake. My dear people are those who are with me (ie whoever would like to be with me, let him supplicate to Me and remember Me). Whoever thanks me, I grant him more blessings; whoever obeys me, I raise him and endear him more. Whoever disobeys Me, I keep the doors of My mercy open for him; if he returns to me I bestow him with My love since I love those who repent and purify themselves for My sake. If he does not repent, I still treat him by putting him in hardship to purify them. Whoever favours me over others, I favour him over others. I reward every single good deeds 10 times over or 700 times over or countless times over. I count every single bad deed as one, unless the person repents and asks for My forgiveness in which case, I forgive even that one. I take into account any little good deed and I forgive even major sins. My mercy supercedes My anger; My tolerance supersedes My blame; My forgiveness supersedes My punishment as I am more merciful with my slaves than a mother with her child.”

This is a long one. I know. But don’t let it bore you out. It’s ALLAH saying HE loves YOU!

Now, don’t say that you can’t apologize, because then you don’t mean it.

“I’ll have to wait until I can be truly sincere!”

Rubbish.

What if you can only be sincere when you’re six feet under? As in, dead?

Huh. Saying like you know, when you’ll be dead.

Sincerity comes with practice. Try to do it and it will come to you.

How can you know when you’ll be sincere when you don’t even start apologizing?

Get up and ride the bike. you may fall, or you may get better at it. Either way, you’ll know how it feels. Other then just watching other people enjoy the ride.

So, it does seem a little petty for me to wait for people to have a perfect kind of an apology before I could forgive them. And not to mention, arrogant too. Considering how imperfect I am myself. Oh, no. I’m not being humble. I am not, really.

It’s not too late to apologize. One Republic lied! And Timbaland was being metaphorical when he produced the song. Don’t believe them.

i wrote this! oh, hypocrisy! go away, you!

Wassalaam